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Escaping from Church

I’m sure you have had kids in your Church who don’t really enjoy themselves from time to time, well it probably didn’t get this bad.

TurboDally posted this news report over the weekend about a seven year who hated church so much, he did just that, stealing his dad’s Dodge. Police were called when a witness saw the kid driving through a stop sign.

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Conversations in Kids Ministry

At this years Kidshaper conference myself and my partner in crime Funny Man Dan created a special moment to parody the conversations that might happen in the life of ministers to children.

It was a blast creating this moment with Dan and took a little time to rehearse, but it was totally worth it to bring something special to every single person serving the kids of their Church!

Thanks to Andy Kirk at Kids R Us who put this up on their YouTube account you can enjoy the fruits of our labour! I hope it blesses you, I think you will be surprised at the end 🙂

CONVERSATIONS IN KIDS MINISTRY

 

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Joke #16

Once every now and then I find a joke worthy of immortalisation… here is the most recent.

I cipro mg had a Japanese intern once; I asked him to get some supplies and he never came back. In the end I went to look for him and he jumped out waving his arms and shouted “SUPPLIES!”

Ha!

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Joke #13

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The accupril generic baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?

He said, “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said,”Thank You So Much!
You are a very nice man.” The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

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First Class Please

Via Keith Johnson at Childrens Ministry and Culture
Comes another hilarious Lark News story (remember… it’s a joke).

ABILENE On Sunday mornings, six-year-old Adrian Teller goes to Sunday school through a VIP entrance, avoiding the “cattle class” at the front desk. “It’s worth the $15 per week,” says mother Sandy Teller who has embraced Abilene Baptist Church’s “First Class Kids” option. Read on!

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Raising Boys.

Not sure where or who this came from, but it is funny.
Things I’ve learned from raising my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of abilify 30 mg a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already
too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool! you still
can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with
or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the clorox with brake
fluid.