Proof… women DO get what they want.


Why Women Rule The World! - The best bloopers are a click away

Via Josh Griffin.

Click below to see the Bible Spoiler…

(What’s a spoiler? Find out here.)

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Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything… tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look in his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.

His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on or some time, day after day, while his mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his Report Card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Zachary got an “A” in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?”

Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

“Well, then,” she replied, ?Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? “WHAT WAS IT?”

Little Zachary looked at her and said, “Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

A bad day for Muppetville and Sesame Street…

Elmo has hooked up with Barbie.

Barbie Loves T.M.X. Elmo Doll

From Amazon product description: It’s fun synergy! Always on top of what’s hot, Barbie knows everyone loves Elmo. Barbie also knows what Elmo is up to, but isn’t telling! Dressed in cool T.M.X. Elmo graphic print tee, Barbie is the queen of the style scene and together, Barbie and Elmo are the talk of the town! Includes Barbie doll and a mini plush Elmo.

I never thought I would say it, but I guess the midlife crisis hits everyone (even though Elmo is only 3 1/2 years old he technically over twenty which is a long time in monster years), and Elmo has the aging rocker syndrome, whereby you date someone a quarter your age and get a tattoo (I cannot confirm the tattoo part).

Elmo, I can only pray that you sign a pre-nup before taking this relationship any further!

A sad day indeed

Why I work with kids!

Ha!

Note pinned to child’s jacket. “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of the family.”

Quote of the week!

Read more at the Children’s Minister Blog

Man, and I thought my baby was cute!

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?

He said, “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said,”Thank You So Much!
You are a very nice man.” The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

Via Keith Johnson at Childrens Ministry and Culture
Comes another hilarious Lark News story (remember… it’s a joke).

ABILENE — On Sunday mornings, six-year-old Adrian Teller goes to Sunday school through a VIP entrance, avoiding the “cattle class” at the front desk. “It’s worth the $15 per week,” says mother Sandy Teller who has embraced Abilene Baptist Church’s “First Class Kids” option. Read on!

Not sure where or who this came from, but it is funny.
Things I’ve learned from raising my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already
too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool! you still
can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with
or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the clorox with brake
fluid.

There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But — The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter

More funny made up news from Lark News.com

  EUGENE, Ore. — Amateur puppeteer Tim Braswell, founder of Peter, Paul and Jelly Puppet Troupe, has raised $1.2 million for a make-or-break Super Bowl ad he hopes will catapult his tiny ministry into the big-time.
“That sock-dog a few years back inspired me,” Braswell says. “I thought, if a puppet can sell pet food, then a team of puppets like mine can certainly sell Jesus.”  Read On

Now this is just a plain old great photo… Hilarious… via Seth Godins Blog.

You heard me!

Stop reading this blog and watch this video right now!

http://www.devilducky.com/media/49265/

Brilliant!

I actually haven’t really done one of these before… it is the blog equivalent of a chain letter… I guess.

Anyway via Jeanette at PoMo Kidz blog here is the exercise…
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

So here is what I grabbed… no joking…

“Fortunately, there are things you can do to increase the amount of breastmilk your baby is geeting without using extra food or weaning. Low supply is usually a temporary difficulty. Occasionally it is a longstanding problem and the breastmilk has to supplemented with formula or food from a spoon. This can often be done carefully so breastfeeding continues. Here’s a general guide for a temporary low supply. Ask your partner and other family members around you to read this as well.”

Baby Love – by Robin Barker. Pg. 123.
I guess that’s what you get when you have a new baby in the house. No keen insight into ministry leadership, prayer that moves nations, but instead helpful information to deal with a low supply of breastmilk!